today the whole internet is about one person
HAPPY birthday NIGHTLEY
phd in travelling Β· certified yapper Β· 3% chinese Β· bts army π
heiress to an unverified fortune. entirely irreplaceable.
step one
Make a wish.
Actually blow at your phone. I'm serious β I wired up the microphone for this.
blow!
needs mic permission. nothing is recorded, nothing is sent β it only measures how loud you are. (which, historically, is very.)
wish
made
step two Β· the credentials
PhD in Travelling
Your bio says it. The registrar has reviewed the evidence. The registrar concurs.
- surname
- NIGHTLEY
- given name
- ATLANTA
- nationality
- UKRAINIAN πΊπ¦
- profession
- YAPPER (SENIOR)
- height
- UNVERIFIED
- eyes
- DANGEROUS
P<UKRNIGHTLEY<<ATLANTA<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
0000000003UKR<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<3%CHN<<<<
visas & entries
of
TRAVELLING
conferred honoris causa, by unanimous vote of everyone who has ever had to keep up with you
step three Β· the science
Ancestry results
are in.
3.00%
CHINESE. Confirmed.
Three independent labs. One very small dragon. The science is settled.
step four Β· the inheritance
Dad's card.
Allegedly.
We've never seen it. We've never needed to. The legend sustains itself.
0003 β’β’β’β’ β’β’β’β’ 1997
β
THE NIGHTLEY GROUP β
est. allegedly Β· kaunas Β· everywhere else
APPROVED Β· NO SIGNATURE REQUIRED
THANK YOU, DAD
the evidence
Exhibits A through L
Submitted in support of the claim that you are, in fact, a lot.
annual report
The Yap Index
this meter has never once reached the top. we stopped trying to build one that could.
no jokes in this part
Nightley β
I built you a website. I know. I couldn't think of a single thing to buy that would be as ridiculous as you actually deserve, so I made something instead.
Here's the thing I actually wanted to say. Being around you is easy in a way that almost nothing else is. You make whoever you're talking to feel like the most interesting person in the room β and I genuinely don't think you know you're doing it.
You talk too much and I have never once wanted you to stop. You get excited about small things like they're enormous, which is, I'm fairly sure, the correct way to be alive.
So: another year. Another five stamps in that passport, minimum. I hope this one is kind to you, and loud, and completely full of the good kind of chaos.
happy birthday, Nightley.
β me
one last thing
Ready?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
NIGHTLEY
i purple you π